2011 and me – Part 3

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After Maurice’s passing, it all hardly seemed real. I continued to go to work, managing the company I had worked with Maurice in for the last 5 years as before. Of course, nothing was like before, my main source of satisfaction from my job I was to find, was no longer there. Maurice’s wife flew me to New Zealand to attend and speak at Maurice’s funeral. In reflection, I could not have been more grateful for this experience. I was made so welcome by family and friends, and I participated in a memorial walk on one of Maurice’s favourite mountain trails, something I will always remember.

Back in Australia again my tumultuous emotional journey continued, angry I no longer had my mentor with me, unsure of what I was doing with my life. I am so grateful that I had such a wonderful, supportive girlfriend, Athena, through this time. Her constantly cheerful demeanour, and her efforts to make me happy had the power to pierce my sullen mood, allowing me to heal, and allowing me to be in a space where I felt I did not know all the answers of what to do.

This however, was not true at all.

I have felt compelled for years to travel and undergo a prolonged period of physical and spiritual training. This was something that I have avoided, or procrastinated on for over a decade, and something I had not talked to Maurice about as I never really knew ‘when’ I would finally go. With our time together now obviously limited, I confided in him my desire for training, to really ‘discover’ myself and what I am capable of. I could not have hoped for a more supportive reaction. He was captivated by the tale of my future travels, so much so that he wanted to join me for some weeks when he had dealt with his present state. I so wish he could have. He had some concerns about what I would do upon my return, how I would support myself after my esoteric indulgence, and expressed his eagerness to do something together, to help me teach what I had learnt for the greater good. Reflecting on these conversations I am reminded by how profoundly sacred our dialogue had been, and that Maurice’s thoughts and ideas will be with me always, during my retreat and for the rest of my life.

We discussed my plans to write, to complete and release my first novel in 2012, and to continue with my creative exploration of the art of film. Again his support was unwavering, with the purely creative something he wished he had explored himself in his already full life. It is funny how I allowed myself to forget these conversations, forget my real path and wallow in the domain of the ego and self-pity. I can see how easily comfortable, habitual patterns can be disguised as a seductive saviour, promising to help shield you from the misery you are trying to escape. However such temporary respite only leads to stagnation, a futile attempt to curtail your own growth to avoid emotions that are all ultimately generated from within.

The upside of allowing oneself to sink like this is the stark contrast that is available for you to view. The contrast between a life driven by ego, or a life driven by purpose. A life dictated by circumstance, or a life freely chosen. A life obsessed with the past, or a life firmly anchored in the present. We each have real choices in the lives we want to allow to manifest. Over the months of withdrawal these choices became so obvious that they could no longer be ignored. Firm change had to be chosen. I was finally filled with the courage to act.

My mentor was a passionate man who strived daily to live a purposeful existence. I can now unequivocally say that so do I. I am now embracing my purposeful path like at no other time in my existence. And I feel great.

Thank you so much for reading, I am eternally grateful. I look forward to sharing so much more with you all…

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Showing 7 comments
  • Josefa Javens
    Reply

    Real nice pattern and superb written content, hardly anything else we need :D.

  • Reply

    Simon,
    I found your blog after receiving an e-mail from Twitter informing me that you added me to your ‘following’ list. Your “2011 & me” post is worthwhile reading for its openness and honesty. I was particularly impressed by your words near the end of part 3:

    “It is funny how I allowed myself to forget these conversations, forget my real path and wallow in the domain of the ego and self-pity. I can see how easily comfortable, habitual patterns can be disguised as a seductive saviour, promising to help shield you from the misery you are trying to escape. However such temporary respite only leads to stagnation, a futile attempt to curtail your own growth to avoid emotions that are all ultimately generated from within.

    The upside of allowing oneself to sink like this is the stark contrast that is available for you to view. The contrast between a life driven by ego, or a life driven by purpose. A life dictated by circumstance, or a life freely chosen. A life obsessed with the past, or a life firmly anchored in the present. We each have real choices in the lives we want to allow to manifest. Over the months of withdrawal these choices became so obvious that they could no longer be ignored. Firm change had to be chosen. I was finally filled with the courage to act.”

    Thanks for sharing your experience.

    • Simon
      Reply

      You are welcome John, I’m glad you found value in my words. Thanks for your comment!

  • toni
    Reply

    Simon, the beauty of life and death inevitably comes within all that we have created it to be.
    Your mentor gave the ultimate love offering to embrace his now moments and die before death and allow the witnessing of it, so that Simon “that was” would die and be reborn into Simon “here & now”. A spiritual death, just as challenging and life changing,

    Maurice passed the torch and it lives on within you, as with me. Use it, for all things are necessary unto themselves in this spiritual experience called life. You and Maurice, two souls that chose to share a hero’s journey into the nothingness that is eternity. All the while still mentoring, guiding us into a greater sense of purpose. Maurice is that hero and so are you.

    This blog is a life lesson and continues to be an inspiration to me. Thank you for your openness.
    Thank you for your courage in showing us how to move thru “the dark night of the soul” experience.

    Simon, I wish you peace and richest blessings always.
    Toni

  • toni
    Reply

    Hi Simon,
    Please accept my apology, the other day when sharing on the post regarding. “2011 and me Pt 3″,
    I overlooked one of the most important parts; I am sorry for your lost and honor your experience. Perhaps, in my overzealous moment of sharing, I forgot to honor that sacred space, where we express & experience our journeys in our own unique ways.

    P.S.
    I am sure ingesting too much caffeine that day did not support my “flow” either. That is why I am heading over to your blog, “we are what we ingest”, for confession:))

    Respectfully,
    Toni

  • Reply

    Hi Simon,
    We are already connected in the Twiitersphere and I have been looking at your website in depth.Many of your Tags resonate .Much of my work is in Accident & Emergency in Acute Care, where we care for the elderly,sick dying and indeed try to bring people back..I am also a spiritually evolved soul with a holistic outlook…a Sensei of a sort.

    It is good that you share your insights with your numerous followers in Social Media and I feel sure that you have touched and uplifted so many : )

    It is an honour to share your wisdom. which is insightful and uplifts.
    We cannot collect on our spiritual gifts unless we have been on the journey ourselves.
    Thank you for your generosity of spirit in sharing your wisdom with the wider world Simon, and good luck with all your forthcoming projects 2012 Ascension!!

    Best Wishes,
    Ghazala ( ElysiumFields10@aol.com )

    • Simon
      Reply

      Thank you so much for your overwhelming generous comments Ghazala. I am so glad to have connected with you here, and love to hear of your service as a spiritual warrior in the realm of the Accident & Emergency department – somewhere in desperate need of people like you!

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